Coping Mechanism
by Cyberwolf
Summary: Neji has to cope with no longer being the center of Tenten's attention. Neji has never been good at coping. [NejiTen] with a side of [Naru?]
1. When She Walks

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. NOTHING BUT THE WORLD!**

* * *

_and when she walks,  
all the winds blow and the angels sing  
but she doesn't notice me..._

_-_Bowling for Soup

* * *

It all began when Neji saw Tenten and Kiba walking together. The young Hyuuga had been on his way to the Academy, to retrieve his cousin Hanabi from her classes and take her home for lunch. (Why on earth she couldn't simply bring a packed lunch to school, as he and Hinata had, was a question he would have liked to ask.) It was a boring, routine thing to do, so he amused himself by counting the number of birds in the air, the number of squabbling shopkeepers, and other various countables that he could conceive of. 

Then he saw the two other chuunin – from a long distance, as his Byakugan was activated – and the day was suddenly not routine.

Kiba and Tenten were a long ways off, and to the side, so they could not have seen him. Even if they had been in direct line of sight, they were so involved in their conversation that Neji doubted they would have the attention to spare anyone else. Kiba was the more animated, his face alight with enthusiasm and gesticulating wildly as he walked. Tenten, though not so lively, was evidently enthralled by whatever Kiba was saying (their angle prevented Neji from reading their lips) and her expression was the same focused one Neji saw on her whenever someone brought up her favourite topics: Tsunade, dragons, fortune-telling, or weaponry. And the idea that Kiba knew enough about any of those topics to catch and hold Tenten's attention so thoroughly boggled Neji's mind.

Neji could see heads turning to watch the two striding past. Kiba was certainly attention-gathering, with his wild appearance and increasingly large frame – the Inuzuka family style encouraged strength and stamina. He stood six feet tall now, just as tall as Neji and broader across the shoulders. (Neji _did not _care about that, he was still the better fighter, it _didn't matter _how futching huge Kiba was.) There was also the matter of the dog trotting beside him, obviously one of the famed Inuzuka fighting hounds – Akamaru was now too large to ride on his master's head, and in fact he was big enough for Kiba to ride on _him._

But Neji had the uncomfortable suspicion that it was _not_ Kiba that most of the attention was centering on. Too many of the by-standers were male.

At five-seven Tenten was one of the tallest of the kunoichi, (for a little while when they were all in the middle of their growth spurts, Tenten had been the tallest member of their genin cell – something that discomfited Neji and Lee greatly) and her slimness made her appear even taller. Her curves were scant – her frame too slender to be really voluptuous – but good, and the fact that most of her height was in her legs made for a truly spectacular sight whenever she disdained the baggy cargo-waders she liked to wear. Neji had heard that Jiraiya had been trying to get her to pose as a model for his series – not that he kept tabs on those books – or on Tenten - or anything, of course. Her hair, tied into a single intricate knot on the back of her head now that she had reached maturity, shone in the bright noon sunlight, revealing a blaze of autumnal colors.

As she laughed at something Kiba had said, she flung her head back, exposing the smooth column of her throat, and Neji could almost hear the _snap_ of eyes focusing on her.

Neji was…annoyed by this.

He was even more annoyed when he watched the two of them entering a restaurant, evidently having lunch together. The huge Akamaru obediently lay down in front of the place, gnawing on a bone Kiba had tossed him before they entered.

Lunch! Together! When there were doubtless many other more important things they could be doing. Like missions. Or training, in Tenten's case, and dying, in Kiba's.

Neji stalked off to the Academy.

* * *

**AN**: Hah! A Nejiten story, all new because all my works-in-progress were stored in my Vaio laptop, which after four years of faithful service has up and died. While I wait in hope for a new Toshiba M-100, I churned out this bit of comedy. I actually planned till the end, so there is hope I will actually finish this story. _'Blue Eyes'_ and _'Escape Velocity'_ are on hold until I can retrieve my chapters and plot outlines. 


	2. Love Hath Made This Thing A Man

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing YET. (hides plans to kidnap Naruto)**

_

* * *

_

_Then a pile of heads he laid—  
Thirty thousands heaped on high—  
All to please the Kafir maid,  
Where the Oxus ripples by.  
Grimly spake Atulla Khan;—  
'Love hath made this thing a Man.'  
-_Rudyard Kipling

* * *

"Fool, you lie." 

"I do _not._ Come and see! I tell you it is as I have said."

"When such a thing occurs, first the sky shall have to turn green and fall on our heads."

"Then wear a helmet in preparation, because it will no doubt occur."

"Fine. I go, if only to silence you."

The two Hyuuga Branch members walked to the central courtyard, only to be confronted with several of their relatives – Main and Branch both – already watching in stupefied disbelief at the spectacle now taking place in front of their white eyes.

Hyuuga Neji, clan prodigy, heir to the Branch House, and favourite of the Clan Head, was currently getting his aristocratic arse well and truly kicked.

Now, considering that as good as Neji was, Hiashi was a good deal better, this was not surprising. In fact there were other people in the Clan who could have given the boy a thrashing – with great difficulty, it is true. But Neji being beaten should not have garnered this attention.

No – it was the _reason_ why he was being beaten that was so astonishing. And the reason was this: Neji was _not fighting well._

Ever since he was four years old and had begun instruction in the Jyuuken style, Neji had been a canny, skilled fighter. Even when he was outgunned or gone nearly mad with rage – it _did_ happen – he had been formidable. But this…this…

Hiashi stared as his nephew tripped over a pebble.

Hinata, who'd had to push through a throng of her relatives to get to the courtyard, dropped the tray she had been holding. Luckily her little sister caught it before it hit the ground – but neither girl spared it much thought. Was this stumbling, careless, clumsy _brawler_ their cousin? Or was it some sort of genjutsu? Briefly Hinata's mind flashed to Naruto, recalling some of the more elaborate pranks the blond boy had pulled off in the Academy – but no. There was the…pale, for lack of a better word, chakra surrounding the eyes that signified a Hyuuga's Byakugan. And where would Naruto have gotten those hand-crafted kunai that Neji liked to use?

That really was Neji-niisan.

'_Guh?'_

Hiashi, still staring, dodged Neji's headlong rush easily, his mind more concerned with what could possibly have triggered this change in his nephew than with fighting him. What could have upset Neji? Mention of his father? But they'd been working _on_ that, and besides that only tended to make Neji more dangerous, not less. That strange boy with the outrageous green clothing hadn't challenged him in the middle of the night for weeks, and anyway that only engendered fierce irritation (and eye-bags the next morning). Was the Kyuubi-boy – the only other person, aside from the best of the Hyuuga jounin, able to defeat his nephew – responsible?

Or was it…

Though the fight was furious, the Hyuuga compound was still mostly silent. The spectators kept to their breeding and watched in polite – or perhaps stunned – quiet. This made it all the more noticeable when a howl from outside the walls pierced the morning air.

"HIIIII-NAAAA-TAAA! Let's gooooooOOOOoooo!"

Hinata dropped the tray again as her team-mate called for her. Again Hanabi caught it, with a tired little sigh. The other Hyuuga startled at the sound, although they really should have become used to it over the years of Kiba's characteristic morning greeting. Some of them had even begun using it to start their day.

"Yes, eight o'clock exactly," one Hyuuga said aloud, looking at his watch.

Distracted by the noise, only Hiashi saw the narrowing of Neji's eyes and the pure hatred as he glared through the wall to where Kiba was standing. With his years of experience and with his Byakugan activated, understanding dawned on the Hyuuga Clan Head like the light of the sun rising over the horizon.

"Neji," he said solemnly, resting a hand on his very startled nephew's shoulder. "I understand. It is time."

Neji was eerily reminded of his jounin-sensei, somehow.

"Only one thing can – _should – _upset the inner tranquility of a man so much. And I see your reaction to a rival, a _threat,_ is properly violent," Hiashi intoned sonorously, looking at Neji with pride. "Are you already at _that age?_ My," - to Neji's intense fright Hiashi actually wiped a tear from his eye – "it seems only yesterday that you were a little tyke wanting to kill us all…And now…and now…"

He looked at his amazed daughters. "Hinata, go to your team-mate."

"H…hai, otousan!" Hinata stammered, sketching a bow before bolting for the gate. Hanabi, left alone with the tray, simply decided to drink the tea. She was thirsty and anyway her father seemed otherwise preoccupied.

Hiashi turned back to his increasingly disturbed nephew. "Neji, my lad, I will need some time to prepare the requisite scrolls and diagrams. In the meantime, why don't you go take care of…hm, business, shall we say? Tonight I shall be ready to begin your education, so do not worry about anything. Today can be…reconnaissance. Tomorrow you shall begin your _true_ assault."

Neji had _no idea_ what his uncle was babbling about, but decided that agreeing and escaping would be a better option than trying to understand. Perhaps the old man had begun slipping into senility. He silently disappeared.

Hiashi stood heroically in the morning sunshine, smiling proudly. He turned as a quavering voice – one of the Hyuuga elders – addressed him.

"Hiashi, is it true? Is the boy…?"

"Yes, Hiwesho-san, it is true. You saw his sloppy, distracted fighting. And his glare! Ah, the glare of the man who faces another who would dare claim what is his! There is no mistaking those eyes," Hiashi proclaimed. "There is no doubt: _Neji has chosen a girl!"_

The Hyuuga compound erupted in cheers. Other Konohans, hearing the eruption of sound from the notoriously silent clan compound, were sure that the world was ending. Then again, they had been sure the world was ending when the Kyuubi attacked; when Itachi slaughtered his clan; when Orochimaru attacked and when the Sand invaded. So they were used to operating under the fear of impending apocalypse.

Calmly, Hanabi sipped from her cup of tea. This was interesting.

* * *

**AN: **Mwahahaha. 


	3. A Blast of Trumpets

**Disclaimer: So, if I divide X by the function of Y over the Gini coefficient, taking in account windspeeds, throwing the kunai would...no I don't own Naruto, nor was I planning to launch a daring raid to kidnap him for my own. Whyever would you think that?**

* * *

_To have seen you and your unforgotten face,  
Brave as a blast of trumpets for the fray…  
It were something, though you went from me today.  
-_GK Chesterton

* * *

Over the years, Neji had developed a sure-fire method of distracting himself from his troubles: training. 

Training, training, and _more_ training.

Training was a distraction. Training helped him get strong enough to _defeat_ whatever troubles life threw at him. Training was an acceptable use of his time, a much better alternative than 'crying' – Hinata - or 'throwing tantrums' – Hanabi - or 'getting drunk off his ass' – too many he could name – or, worst of all, 'experimenting with hair-care and dental products so as to appear more like Gai-sensei'.

And if his uncle's sudden onset of senility wasn't troubling enough to warrant a good hard training session, then what was?

Certainly not the lunch (not a date, _not _a date, _not a date) _that Kiba and Tenten had shared yesterday. That meant nothing. It did not even merit further thought.

And Kiba's loud rudeness as he came to pick up Hinata – he was a goddamned _savage_, is what he was – was the reason for Neji's thought process of '_Killmurderdestroy NOW'_ that morning. No other reason.

…did girls find wildness in a guy attractive? Was that why some of his female cousins (not Hinata, who he simply could not picture being…into…that sort of thing) kept giggling over those magazine lay-outs of over-muscled boys in fur loincloths?

…sometimes the Byakugan – and what it forced him to see - was a curse, really.

And anyway, those were his air-headed female cousins. Not his team-mate, his predictable, precise and practical team-mate. She had as much use for such folly as he did.

Which was none. Right? _Right?_

* * *

It was in this frame of mind that Neji wandered onto Team Gai's usual training grounds, and it was in this frame of mind that he received Lee's usual, bouncy, enthusiastic greeting.

Lee hadn't even had time to finish his Greetings, Dear Friend, On This Gloriously Youthful Day spiel number twenty-three before a Jyuuken palm-strike sent him hurtling into a tree. He hadn't even gotten around to _asking_ for a spar, yet.

The fact that Neji didn't seem to appreciate his speech – he stayed up nights practicing them – hurt. He was only trying to spread cheer. The fact that he was now embedded into the trunk of a giant pine tree _really_ hurt. (In fact it hurt like a sonofabitch, though Lee never said such things _aloud)._

But what hurt him most is that Neji didn't even seem to have noticed the blow. Beatings he could take. But _automatic_ beatings? Where was the human element - the _connection_ - in that?

So it was that Tenten, fixing her hair as she ran, came upon one team-mate staring vaguely into space, dark brows creased into a slight frown, and the other sniffling melodramatically from where he stuck out of a pine-tree, a half-ring of squirrels his interested audience.

She sighed and ran to Lee, summoning a first-aid kit out of one of her scrolls. She'd love to hear the story behind this.

* * *

Neji shook himself mentally as his team-mates' presence registered. He glared at the just-arrived Tenten as she used a kunai to help gouge Lee from his tree-trunk, aided by an army of squirrels busy chewing wood. Why was she so late? What had she been doing? What could possibly be more important than _training?_

And why hadn't she at least said hello to him before bolting to Lee's side?

He continued to glare at her back, noticing that one of her hair-ties had come loose; several wavy strands had escaped her now-usual chignon to hang carelessly down her back; it looked like the hair-bun was dripping streamers of deep-colored flame.

He realized he was staring. Angrily he stomped – no, walked, walked _very crossly –_ over to his two team-mates.

"You're late," he told Tenten accusingly.

"And you're in a good mood," Tenten sighed, not even looking up from where she was pressing a compression bandage against Lee's side. He was still embedded in the wood, but the squirrels were taking care of that, leaving Tenten free to tend to myriad hurts and boo-boos.

Neji just stood there and glowered. Once, a tiny squirrel with more guts than sense – and with disturbingly emphasized eyebrows, especially considering that squirrels _don't have eyebrows_ – jumped to his shoulder and chittered angrily at him. Before Neji could turn his head to glare at it – the Byakugan, though equipped with 360-degree vision, did not allow for 360-degree glaring – the squirrel was knocked off by a flying tackle. The larger squirrel dragged its little sibling away, relating in tense chirps of the sombre fates that awaited those who disturbed The Great Moon-Eyed One. Hear now the tale of poor foolish Cornblossom, who had dropped nuts on the Moon-Eyed's head…

By the time Tenten was done with Lee, there was a definite tic in Neji's face.

"Can we train _now?" _he demanded. What a thoroughly horrible day this was. And what was Lee doing in that tree anyway?

Lee made a faint noise of assent. Tenten looked at him in disbelief. "Lee-kun! You're in no condition to train!"

Neji grabbed Tenten's wrist. "I meant her, not you, moron." He dragged the girl away, into the middle of the grounds.

"That was mean, Neji," Tenten chided him, though he noticed she was summoning a pair of tonfa in preparation.

He shrugged. Why shouldn't Lee feel as badly as he did? Besides, the little Gai-minion might learn something if he watched. He settled into the Jyuuken stance, feeling something in him ease at the comfortable familiarity of the scene – a sunlit morning, Tenten in front of his eyes, the focus and adrenaline-rush of a fight evident in her expression.

He waited patiently for her to attack, and barely kept from smiling as she struck.

* * *

Hyuuga were used to being compared to birds. 

Hiashi and Hizashi had been known as the Twin Eagles of Konoha when they were young jounin striking fear into the hearts of their enemies. Hinata had been often compared to a dove, both admiringly and not. Neji referred to himself as a caged bird often enough that his relatives could mouth along with him whenever he started. With their aquiline profiles and extraordinary vision they even resembled the avian creatures.

But Hanabi was, without doubt, _not_ a bird.

The youngest of the Hyuuga heirs was quite probably a cat reincarnated into human form.

The quiet arrogance; the outraged disbelief that anyone would stand in her way whenever she was thwarted; the great liking for dairy products. These were only a few of the ways that Hanabi betrayed her essentially feline nature.

And of course her curiosity. Utterly, fearlessly curious, the young Hyuuga had never seen a mystery without wanting to know every last strand of it. She interrupted the cooking; she peered unashamedly at the seals of her Branch House relatives; she demanded explanations for everything that occurred.

She did not care if she offended people, or if she hurt their feelings, or if whatever matter she was investigating was ultimately of very little consequence.

_She wanted to know everything_.

And she wanted to know what her father had meant when he had begun declaiming about Neji-niisan. She thought it involved a _girl_, which would make great material to tease her aloof cousin about, as was clearly her duty as a younger relative.

Yet, even in her all-consuming curiosity, she knew that being caught by Neji _investigating_ this particular matter could end…unpleasantly for her. Threatening to leave her training to Neji was one of the disciplinary measures Hiashi used to control his headstrong youngest daughter, and her cousin was an even more demanding taskmaster than her father.

Also, she did not know very much of her cousin's peers.

_So, _she decided to take an ally from her cousin's age-group to help. Hinata might have helped, but she was out with her cell – besides, she had this annoying concept of _privacy_ and _decency_ that often kept her from joining in plots to torment the other Hyuuga.

Che.

Thus it was that Hanabi found herself, after recalling some snatches of conversation overheard from another Academy student blathering about his "leader", at the Ichiraku.

"You," she said in as commanding a tone she could muster, pointing at a surprised blond slurping at his third bowl of breakfast. "I require your help."

**

* * *

AN **

This chapter begun on the day of my father's birthday. Which was also the day of my Philo midterm and my Econ presentation. And apparently I'm the only one who remembered. Poor dad.

Thanks to _wildcatt, YunCyn, FireDragonBL, AmazinGsensation _and all the rest who submitted such lovely, lovely reviews. This is what drives me to keep writing. Thanks. Also thanks to _namistai8_, who recced my fic on the NejiTen LJ. :)

I really ought to start studying for Econ now, but…Ah well. (promises to look at notes sometime today. Really.)

* * *

Next chapter: Tenten refuses, Naruto accepts, Hyuugas plot and fume! 


	4. The Eagle On High

**Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. Nor have I prepared a place for him to stay. Nor have I stocked up in instant ramen. Lies! All lies!

* * *

**

_Doth the eagle mount up at thy command, and make her nest on high?  
She dwelleth and abideth on the rock, upon the crag of the rock, and the strong place.  
From thence she seeketh the prey, and her eyes behold afar off_

_-_Job 39:27-29

* * *

"…and that is why I want you to help me find out who Neji-niisan likes," Hanabi said, concluding with a flourish of her chopsticks. Explanation finished, she then turned her attention to the little fishcake she held between said chopsticks. Mm, tasty. 

"Let me get this straight," Naruto said slowly, his own chopsticks dangling loosely between his fingers. "You want me to shadow Neji and find out who he's crushing on. Without him knowing. And then, when we find out who it is, we're going to use that to tease him?"

Hanabi began to frown. "If you're scared…" _Or worse, if you're no fun like Hinata-neesan… _She trailed off at the huge grin spreading across Naruto's face.

"Scared? Hell no! This is _great!"_ Naruto enthused, jumping to his feet. He turned a series of somersaults just for the hell of it, alternating backward-flips and forward-flips without moving an inch off his square of floor.

"This is going to be the _best prank ever!"_ He yelped, finishing by performing a handstand on his bar-stool. "WHOOOO-HOOO!"

By the time Naruto had downed another bowl of ramen in celebration of his triumphant return to pranksterdom, he had mostly calmed down. He hand-sprung off his bar-stool – Ichiraku had given him the bowl for free just to see if he could really finish the food while upside down – and turned to Hanabi.

"Just two questions before we go," he said, looking at her with the rare, serious expression that always surprised and impressed his friends when they saw it. "First, why me? Why not someone you know better, like your sister or her team-mates?"

"Well, Hinata-neesan doesn't like these kinds of things," Hanabi informed him. "But I guess…the main reason is that I saw you beat Neji-niisan in the Chuunin exams before. If he finds out, you won't let him get me," she said, sublimely confident in that fact.

"I will, will I?" Naruto said, amused and - he had to admit – rather pleased. Somehow the unconscious implication that he would take the brunt of Neji's anger didn't affect him so much as the fact that, for once, someone was betting on _him_ in a fight.

He smiled at the smaller girl again, she smiled back at the boy who, as she had never doubted, would assist her in her undertakings, and all was right in the world.

"Oh yeah, and what was your name again?"

* * *

An hour later found them hidden in the brush around Team Gai's training grounds, watching the battle currently raging in the middle of the clearing. Having agreed between them that Neji would most probably be found training, they had headed for the forest clearing with all possible haste – Naruto adding, "Maybe I'm not so good at spotting things like that, but if there's anyone Neji likes I'll bet it's…" He trailed off and would not elaborate, no matter how much Hanabi prodded. They had arrived – silently – just in time to witness the bright blue whirl of Neji's Kaiten as he deflected a barrage of weaponry. 

Judging by the slight sheen of sweat on both combatants and the plethora of weapons littering the ground, the fight had been raging for quite some time already. Hanabi also believed that the fight would continue for quite some time still, if the intense looks and still-purposeful movements of the two were any indicator. She took the time to survey the rest of the grounds.

Naruto, his orange jacket shucked so as to avoid attracting Neji's Byakugan or Tenten's targeter's-eyes with a flash of bright color, lay flat on the ground a few meters from her, intent on the battle. Matching him in focus was the green-clad boy seated at the edge of the clearing opposite them – Hanabi recognized him from his middle-of-the-night challenges - scribbling in his notebook every so often as he watched his teammates fight. Strangely, several squirrels sat near him, a few even using his head and shoulders as vantage-points as they, too, watched the fight.

It was well worth the watching. Tenten was a streak of constant motion, as often off the ground as on it – either she was racing through the tree-branches, dozens of feet high, like one of the demented squirrels watching her, or she was soaring through the air in a series of complex acrobatic feats.

Neji, on the other hand, was spare - almost economical - in his movements. He stood in perfect Jyuuken-stance in the middle of the clearing, moving just enough to dodge the weapons being flung at him or to attack Tenten whenever she lit on the ground to close with a melee weapon. He flowed through his forms like water, like wind, lightning-quick but with noticeable power behind every blow.

Hanabi frankly gaped, never having seen her family's style brought to such a high level. An aspiration to match her cousin's prowess began to slowly burn in the back of her mind. It was a new sensation, this first inkling of true ambition, for a spoiled Clan Heir to whom everything came easily – and she examined the new emotion carefully.

It took a little while for her to quit daydreaming over Neji's Jyuuken and begin to really analyze the fight. The girl - she'd heard her cousin call her Tenten – was displaying classic marksman's tactics, taking to the high ground for better range and to avoid danger. The only problem with _that_, of course, was that even with the girl's flawless accuracy Neji could dodge all her weapons or, if pressed to it, deflect them with his Kaiten's perfect defense. Hanabi wondered why the girl kept on trying.

Then she watched more closely, and realized that there was, in fact, a method to the other girl's madness. There was a short window of opportunity that occurred when Neji was finishing a Kaiten. As the chakra-shield died, and Neji was winding down from the Kaiten's spinning motion, the boy was unable to attack or dodge, and unprotected. Hanabi could see that Tenten would maneuver Neji into such a position that the only way to escape injury was to perform Kaiten – and then, as the move finished, either launch one last barrage of weaponry or attack him with a melee weapon. So far, Hanabi had seen Tenten demonstrate her skill with pole-arms, tonfa, swords of all lengths and sizes and once even a morning-star. The spar was becoming a game of timing and position – could Tenten reach Neji before he regained his equilibrium? Could Neji hold his Kaiten long enough to deflect all of Tenten's attempts?

Hanabi _also_ noticed something else.

"Neji-niisan is…is _smiling!"_ she gasped, only just remembering to keep her voice to a whisper. She peered closer. "He's _grinning!"_

Naruto made a small noise of disbelief as he looked at the older chuunin's face. It was as blank as paper. "Are you sure?"

"Look at him! Look!"

"I _am,_" Naruto hissed back. "He looks serious! And maybe a little angry. He is _not _grinning. I know what a grin is and you know, lips that are a _straight line_ aren't it!"

"They're _not_ a straight line, he _is _grinning…well, a little. Anyway he looks happier than normal!"

Naruto grumbled something under his breath that involved the words 'normal' and 'hah' and 'stick up his…' At that point Hanabi chose not to listen anymore.

They quieted as Neji called up to his teammate, who was again perched on one of the tree-branches overhead - looking exactly like a steel-taloned eagle with her fierce glare and handfuls of shuriken.

"Tired already, Tenten? And you haven't even come _close_ to being a decent fight yet. _Pathetic," _he sneered. Tenten flinched at the scorn dripping from his words; Naruto and Lee winced in sympathy. And Naruto had thought Sasuke was an arrogant bastard…!

"Awww!" Hanabi cooed. "That's so cute! He's _teasing _her!"

"…maybe this is some weird Hyuuga thing," Naruto muttered. He turned back to the fight, to see if he could spot the elusive grin Hanabi insisted upon, and his eyes widened.

He made a curious sort of sharp, barking noise, and hurled himself at Hanabi. He knocked her flat to the ground just in time to save the girl from being decapitated. Tenten, incensed by Neji's sneering tone, had responded by hurling a huge fuuma shuriken at him. It came too fast for Neji to dodge or start to Kaiten, and like Naruto he'd had to fling himself to the ground to avoid it.

Meeting no resistance in the form of human flesh, the fuuma shuriken whirled its way out of the clearing, sawing into the trunk of a huge redwood. It continued to spin with the force of its throw for several seconds after being embedded in the tree, spewing wood-chips like a demented chainsaw. Naruto and Hanabi, their faces buried in the earth, could actually feel the wind created by the shuriken's rotations.

'_Damn, but she must have been _pissed_.'_

Their hearts galloping, the two would-be spies crawled carefully away. They ended up nearer to Lee, hoping that his proximity would save them from any more friendly fire.

Neji, his pride knocked about by his ignominious sprawl on the dirt, had begun to strike at Tenten with a little more force and speed – and a little less control. Tenten fended him off deftly with a pair of tonfa, trying to leap back into the air but prevented by Neji's nearness.

Hanabi began to breathe a little easier…then choked as she glanced sideways at her companion.

"N…Naruto…?"

"Eh?" Naruto replied, looking over at her. "What's wrong?"

Mutely, Hanabi pointed at his head.

"Eh?" Naruto said again, puzzled. Reflexively he ran his fingers through his hair – only to freeze as he encountered strange _fuzziness_ where he expected a shaggy mass of spikes. He drew in the breath for a horrified yell and was only stopped by Hanabi's quick elbow.

"Shh!" she whispered, her face contorting as she fought the laughter bubbling up in her. The fuuma shuriken had sheared off the top of his blond hair as cleanly as a hot knife through – fitting, considering the color – butter.

He whimpered softly, continuing to run one hand through his newly-shorn hair while the other fumbled at his weapons-pouch. He withdrew his nicest shuriken and rubbed it on his shirt, using the shuriken's surface to check his reflection. He whimpered again.

"Shh!" Hanabi repeated, her attention drawn by the ending of the fight. Neji had pinned the girl – who she was _sure_ now was the girl her father had been talking about – to the ground, his hand hovering over her throat, ready to snap her neck with a quick, chakra-enhanced knife-blow.

"Do you yield?"

Tenten tried to stab him with her eyes, as the weapons she held in her Jyuuken-frozen arms weren't an option.

"Do you yield?" Neji asked again, a definite note of humor in his tone – at least to Hanabi. The impending victory had cheered him up from his previous disgruntlement.

Tenten bucked underneath him, but Neji rolled with the movement and kept his hold on her. He moved his hand a little closer, enough to let her feel the sharp prickling of chakra on her skin.

"_Do you yield?"_ he asked for the third time.

* * *

Tenten stilled and broke gaze, turning her head to the side. She said nothing; but this, for her who prided herself on being able to handle the eerie white Hyuuga eyes without flinching, was yielding enough for Neji. He rolled off her but did not offer a hand – he knew she wouldn't accept it. 

She leapt to her feet in a single powerful kip-up, unable to use her hands for leverage. Her arms dangled uselessly at her sides, weapons dropping from numb fingers to join the carpet of steel edges underfoot. Neji moved carefully behind her and quickly struck the requisite Tenketsu to restore her arms. Then he moved away, studiously avoiding her eyes as he picked up his own weapons – six kunai from out of hundreds – from the ground.

Tenten gritted her teeth as sensation flowed back into her limbs in a rush of pins-and-needles. She flexed her hands as the worst of the tingling faded, reacquainting her precise, meticulous marksman's-hands with movement.

She'd never tell Neji, but every time he made her hands go numb she was consumed with fear. Her hands - her trained, delicate hands with their long fingers and calluses in just the right place to hold weapons, with the nerve-knowledge of how to throw and hold and spin weapons _just so_ – they were the core of her fighting-style.

And without her fighting-style Tenten was nothing.

Sometimes she had nightmares where Neji never restored her Tenketsu and her hands were forever numb; or that her hands went wrong after the fights, nerves misfiring and fingers fumbling with the weapons she considered as much part of her as her eyes and hair and limbs.

She would wake with sobs choked behind her teeth, and she'd stare into the dim darkness of her room, reaching for whatever weapon was closest – she slept with a brace of shuriken and a pair of daggers under her pillow, for starters – and just turn the thing over and over in her hands until she stopped shaking.

* * *

As the fight ended and the two began the inevitable post-battle mopping-up, Hanabi turned her attention back to her partner-in-crime. Naruto was still whimpering softly, studying himself in the shuriken's reflection. He was holding it behind his head, craning his neck so he could see the full extent of the damage. 

"Stop it," she whispered, wanting to talk about Neji and Tenten.

"_My hair is gone!" _Naruto hissed back at her, still trying to look at the back of his head. "I look like a freak! As if they needed _more_ reasons to stare at me…"

"It's _not_ gone; it's just cut a little. I'll get Auntie Hanako to fix it for you later, she always trims our hair," Hanabi said impatiently, "Stop whining about it! That Tenten girl is the one you mentioned earlier, right?"

Naruto stared as he flailed for mental footing, trying to come back to the reason they were crouching in this god-forsaken forest instead of having ramen for breakfast. "Oh yeah…"

"Oooh!" Hanabi squealed, clapping her hands a little. "This is great! I _like_ her," she proclaimed, having based her decision on the factors of battle-prowess, impressive amounts of weaponry and – most importantly – a willingness to fight with Neji-niisan. Too many of her relatives cringed or, worse, sneered and pretended they were too high-and-mighty to lower themselves to fight with the boy.

"Yeah, yeah, she's a pretty decent person," Naruto agreed, basing _his_ decision on mostly the same factors, plus the knowledge of her determination – she'd been _great _on that mission to Bird Country, and look how she handled Temari! - and cooking skills. He loved ramen best, of course, but those sesame-seed dumplings of hers…He was about to tell Hanabi that her new cousin-in-law-to-be was a great source of snacks when he spotted Tenten walking towards the fuuma shuriken.

"Oh shit," he whispered.

"What? What!"

"She's going to get her fuuma shuriken. My hair's still on it!" As he talked Naruto began to crawl rapidly towards the other edge of the clearing; still, creeping around the edge of a circle takes more time than walking across – even at a slow amble, pausing now and then to pick up some weapons as Tenten was.

He was still a goodly distance away when Tenten was about to reach the shuriken; and he could clearly see tufts of his poor blond hair both on the ground and on the blade. Dammit! Unless Tenten believe she had inadvertently shaved a squirrel or something with a mutated albino coloration, she'd know something was up.

Actually, considering that aside from the Yamanakas, who actually _did_ have albino genes somewhere in their phenotype, Naruto and Tsunade were the only blondes in Konoha, it wouldn't be too hard for Tenten to figure out what was going on. And since Hokages did not normally lurk near training grounds…

'_The prank is at stake!_'

And with that horrid possibility in front of him, Naruto's mind snapped into the overdrive that only occurred when he most needed it and usually ended with opponents wondering what the hell had just happened. He rapidly ticked off relevant points considering the situation and the tools he had in hand – and, as always, an unorthodox, strange, difficult but effective solution came to him.

He began to spin a Rasengan in his hand – having long since learned how to make it without the chakra-expense and delay of a Kage Bunshin – deliberately keeping the chakra-weave loose and wild, barely bothering to shape his energy. He spun fast, hoping that he could build it up in time…

* * *

Tenten bent to retrieve a katana sticking hilt-up in the ground.

* * *

Neji was _not_ looking at her bending over. He was glaring at Lee. And if his Byakugan was activated, _so what?_ It was to intimidate those damn squirrels.

* * *

Naruto clenched his jaw as he poured as much chakra as he could into the Rasengan without it flying apart. The way he had molded it wasn't helping; it was hard to hold onto its form. Sweat began to bead on his brow.

* * *

Having tucked the katana back into subspace on one of her scrolls, Tenten straightened and began to walk towards the fuuma shuriken. The huge dark-steel weapon was one of her favorites, with spring-mounted blades and exquisite balance. She always made sure to keep the edges honed - not only razor-sharp as she kept all of her blades, but actually surgical-quality.

She was near enough now to place her hand on it…

* * *

Naruto eyeballed the swirling mass of chakra in his hand and decided it was sufficient for his purposes.

He let go.

The half-molded Rasengan immediately dissipated, the swirling energies enough to whip the air around it with a tornado effect. A sudden wind gusted around the forest clearing, whistling like the forerunner of a storm.

* * *

Tenten took a step back as a wind suddenly kicked up, whipping her bangs into her eyes – and, not that she could see it, sweeping a few tufts of blond hair away from her weapon. As it died down, she swept her hair back from her face and seized her fuuma shuriken, hefting its comforting weight.

'_Okaaaa-aay. That was – weird.'_

* * *

Naruto mopped at his brow, momentarily mourning the feel of shortened strands near the back of his fringe. '_That was close!'_

* * *

Hanabi, having followed Naruto, had watched his performance with wide eyes. _'That was cool!'_

* * *

Lee finished scribbling madly into his little notebook and stood up dramatically, dislodging his blanket of squirrels. _'YOOOOSH! The POWER and GRACE of the fight between my TWO YOUTHFUL TEAMMATES have inspired me! I will attempt to emulate Tenten's aerial grace and Neji's elegant form. That is YOUTH POWER!'_

* * *

Neji absent-mindedly stepped on a squirrel that was scampering away from Lee's fiery aura, not really registering the pained squeak. He was too busy watching the way Tenten's hair, come loose from the fight, swayed in the sudden wind.

'…'

* * *

**AN**

Tenten's refusal has been moved to a later chapter, as I think poor Neji deserves a break. (Also this chapter was getting really long). A little more serious here, but the high-jinx shall resume shortly. I will try and keep this from getting too overly dramatic.

As I have little experience in writing fight scenes, I was really worried about this and may have rambled. If you want to drop a hint or opinion on the fighting, go ahead:P Shout-out to _AmazinGSensatiOn, Tank, Siobhan Terrace, Squidward, FireDragonBL, lildaemon, __Hououza_ and _Wildcatt_ and all other people good enough to leave a review.


	5. Omake 1

And now, as a special, celebratory Yay-my-paper's-due-date's-been-pushed-back treat, an **Omake! **I'd also like to take the time to reiterate that this is just a sidestory, and not at all to be considered part of the CM storyline. Consider it a…sort of 'bloopers' reel, maybe. That's why I separated it from the actual chapter.

Read author's note below for more info.

* * *

**Omake (dedicated to _Wildcatt_ of the Pirates, Butchers, and cool Tenten-traitors!) **

(From chapter 3)

…_did girls find wildness in a guy attractive? Was that why some of his female cousins (not Hinata, who he simply could not picture being…into…that sort of thing) kept giggling over those magazine lay-outs of over-muscled boys in fur loincloths?_

…_sometimes the Byakugan – and what it forced him to see - was a curse, really._

_And anyway, those were his air-headed female cousins. Not his team-mate, his predictable, precise and practical team-mate. She had as much use for such folly as he did._

_Which was none. Right? **Right**?_

Neji worried.

* * *

He dropped by Team Kurenai's training grounds, interrupting a quiet discussion between the three Chuunin. Three pairs of eyes fixed on him, the white eyes worried, the dark ones narrowed. 

He glared back. The two boys did not trust him because he had attempted to kill Hinata that one time. He did not trust the two boys because they were unrelated males too often in close proximity to Hinata-sama.

But he needed their help, so…he clenched his teeth and tried to look amiable.

He only succeeded in frightening them – even Shino – further.

"Inuzuka. I require…um, I need to ask you something." Neji jerked his head roughly to the side. "Alone."

Kiba would just as soon have stuck his head in a lion's jaws. And considering how much he hated cats, that was saying a lot. But Hinata's pleading glance at Kiba spurred him to possibly suicidal behavior.

"Let's go," he grunted at the other boy, slumping off. Neji followed silently, his own shoulders ramrod straight. When they were out of earshot, the dog-user turned to Neji sullenly.

"Well, Hyuuga?"

Neji was silent for a moment before speaking. "Inuzuka…does your clan pose in Shinobi Weekly?"

Kiba gaped at him for a moment before exploding. "OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!" he yelped, leaping away from the other boy. He pointed a shaking finger at Neji. "You're not…gay, or anything, are you? OH MY GOD!" he said again, leaping back even further. "'Cause, you know, I _don't_ lean that way! If you're here for some gay love confession…"

Neji's face turned green. "_No way in hell!"_ he hissed, his Byakugan activating reflexively. Kiba squeaked and covered himself.

"Don't! Pervert! Stop looking through my clothes!"

Neji now turned mottled green and red. "Inuzuka, you idiot! Byakugan doesn't work that way!" He took a deep, shaking breath, trying to rein in his severely frayed temper. "I am _not _gay, and I do _not_ make a habit of looking in those kinds of magazines. …that said, I also live in a house full of teenaged girls."

"Hinata-chan saw me…?" Kiba sighed.

Neji fought the urge to slap him upside the head. "…Hinata-sama is too well-raised and genteel for that. Our cousins are the drooling imbeciles who are at fault." A tiny thought skittered across his mind. _'If this mutt still likes Hinata-sama – whoistoogoodforhimofcourse – then he can't be Tenten's boyfriend!' _

"Oh."

There was a long silence between them. A sagebrush whirled past.

"…so what do you want, then?"

"Er…you see…"

* * *

Tenten sat at a local sushi bar, picking at her food. She had just come back from a good, though loud, training session with Lee. Chasing squirrels had been good speed-training but…it just wasn't the _same_ without Neji there. No biting remarks, no Jyuuken-caused injuries, no one to share eye-rolls with… 

She jumped as a kunai thudded next to her leg. She whirled, seeking the thrower, but the street was absolutely empty. She sat back down and examined the kunai, noticing the thin slip of paper rolled round the handle. Carefully she unfurled it, smiling as she recognized the neat hand.

_Tenten – meet me at Training Ground J-1._

She bolted the last of her meal and sped off, flinging a handful of ryo carelessly to the waiter.

* * *

She looked around herself carefully as she entered J-1, weapons already out. She raised one hand to wipe at the sweat forming on her forehead, response to the humid jungle heat. Why had Neji told her to come here, to the special-terrain training grounds? Specifically crafted to train shinobi in all possible terrains, the grounds were kept as true to actual conditions as possible. Which meant lots of insects – the Aburame helped – lots of heat, and lots of humidity. 

She idly debated pulling her hitai-ate off, as it smothered the skin of her forehead - and then promptly abandoned all thought as she finally caught sight of Neji.

Neji standing above her in a gnarled tree-branch, grasping a jungle creeper in one hand and a spear in the other.

Neji, standing with one bare foot braced against the trunk, his muscles tensed so they stood out in well-defined lines.

_Neji_ _in a leopard-skin loincloth._

"Tenten. I decided we should train for jungle warfare."

"…"

* * *

**AN**

Thanks to everyone who replied. I revised a few parts of the story, specifically a few grammatical errors and foreshadowings in Chapter 1 and 4 that weren't quite so true anymore.

**Kiba**: You mean I have a chance with Tenten now? (grins)

**Neji**: What! (looks back at chapter 1) What happened to that promise that Tenten wouldn't have to be involved with that mutt?

**Me**: (sing-song) …I'm not _tell-ing._

**Kiba**: At least I'm not _flaming_, Hyuuga.

**Neji**: Do you _want_ to have whatever paltry destiny waits for you cruelly and prematurely ended? Because I can do that.

And there's actually fanart for this series now! Thank **_LvKyo_ **for that. :D Also, some CM sprites I came up with are posted on my Deviantart account as scraps – look for the **_riiya-cub_** account.

Actual update coming tomorrow, God willing.


	6. She Is Very Far

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I do reserve the right to cut his hair.

* * *

**

_How shall she know the worship we would do her?  
The walls are high, and she is very far._

-Rudyard Kipling

* * *

Neji realized – a little surprised, as he always was when he noticed – that he was happy. 

He was actually _happy_ – not the bouncy, wide-smiling way Lee and Naruto were, of course, or even the quieter, bright-eyed way Tenten had - but something in him felt light, and he could look around and appreciate the company of his team, the beauty of the morning, the pleasant ache of well-worked muscles.

And why not? Why shouldn't he be happy? He'd had a very good spar with one of the few people in the world whose company he did not mind – and he _knew _he had pulled off each of the Jyuuken forms flawlessly, hitting the moves with a precise perfection that was impressive even for him. And Tenten had been as good a challenge as he could have wished; that fuuma shuriken buzzing over his head had sent a thrilling jolt of adrenaline racing through his veins – he could still feel the faint, on-your-toes readiness of the rush. Nothing was better than that.

He slowly folded himself onto the grass, sitting cross-legged underneath the shade of one of the redwoods – making sure he was a good distance from Lee and his little rodent army. A breeze slid past him, lifting sweat-soaked clothes away from his skin for a cool, blessed moment. He assumed his usual meditation position, letting his mind and body calm down from the battle-rush – though he kept one eye half-open, watching Tenten walk around the clearing to collect her weapons.

He smirked quietly to himself. Tenten always took the longest to clean up after her battles; it was not uncommon, on missions, for her mopping-up to take longer than the actual battle had. She swore that one day she would develop a technique specifically to call all weapons back to her within seconds; when Neji asked how she would distinguish her own weapons from everyone else's, she had only began to cackle insanely.

"Mine! All mine! My _preciouses…_"

"Not a word," Neji had pointed out.

Tenten had then flung all the weapons she'd gathered at him. While he'd gained a few more nicks, it had been worth it to watch Tenten swear as she realized she had to gather them all up _again_ – in the rain, from a muddy ground.

Neji snapped out of his reminiscing when Tenten flopped carelessly beside him, tucking a last senbon into her hair. Neji suspected that she hid as many weapons in that single intricate knot – tightly redone from the battle's half-loose mess – as most ninja did in their kunai pouches.

"Good spar," he offered her tonelessly. This, for him, was high praise. Thus she grinned back at him – if she was unhappy from her loss, it wasn't evident.

Neji had enjoyed his spar with Tenten. Tenten had, evidently, (and as usual) enjoyed her spar with him. Therefore, Neji concluded, it was only logical that they continue this enjoyable activity. This decided, he confidently set his plans for the day.

* * *

Hanabi had almost jumped out of her skin when Gai had made one of his usual flashy entrances – today it involved three summoned turtles and a fake sunset on a mountain setting – but Naruto took it in stride. 

"Look," Naruto hissed at Hanabi, who wanted to stay and watch, "now that Super Gejimayuu is here, they're going to be run too hard for anything romantic. I've got my own training in – " he checked the time from the position of the sun, calculated how late Kakashi should be today, factored in the amount of excuses he had left, and concluded, "- a while. I need to go, and I _can't_ looking like this! I need to go find a barber…"

"I _told_ you, Auntie Hanako will do it!" Hanabi protested, still staring at Gai's shiny teeth. "…well, can we go shadow them later?"

"Fine! Fine! Just, let's go!"

* * *

Naruto hadn't really expected to be given a haircut by a Hyuuga. He'd been planning to drop off the little firespark, then saw off enough hair with his kunai so that it looked like an actual attempt at a haircut, rather than a training accident. After all, that's how he had been doing it for years. 

Unfortunately, Hanabi did not agree with his plan. Instead of meekly being dropped off at her compound gate, she had seized Naruto's wrist and dragged him in, using too much force for Naruto to break free without an actual fight – which probably was not the best choice, seeing as how he was bigger, older, a boy and surrounded by her relatives.

Who were probably as surprised and unwilling as he was for their hallowed grounds to be profaned by the presence of a gods-damned, scruffy, non-Hyuuga jinchuuriki - but who could no more stand against Hanabi's will as they could flap their arms and fly. Hanabi moved past her wide-eyed, stammering relatives with the sublime confidence of one who had, from babyhood, never doubted that she would one day be their leader, tugging Naruto helplessly in her wake.

Hanabi slid a rice-paper door aside with an excited, "Aunt Hanako! Aunt Hanako!" A slender lady, her Hyuuga-dark hair arrayed in a neat hair bun on the top of her head, looked up in mild surprise.

"Hanabi-chan?" she said, rising as Hanabi and Naruto spilled into the room. Hanako, cousin to Hiashi and Hizashi, only daughter of their uncle Hino, was one of Hanabi's favourite relatives. She was in many ways quite similar to her young cousin, outspoken for a Hyuuga and strangely interested in odd things like life outside the Hyuuga compound, fashion, and the latest episode in ONC – Orange Ninja County. At twenty-seven, Hanako was more famed for her diplomatic abilities – soothing tempers within the family, acting as a Hyuuga ambassador to other clans and countries – than for her roughly Chuunin-level battle capabilities, but she was not in the least looked down upon for that. It may have been that Hiashi regarded her as the baby sister he never had – in a very Hiashi way, of course, but nevertheless the other Hyuuga recognized that – or that if anyone dared to make trouble, with her ambassador access to all Hyuuga records she had enough dirt on them to make life…interesting.

Hanabi began with a simple, "He needs you to fix his hair," and tugged on Naruto's wrist, still clasped in her hand. When he looked at her, she ordered – there was no other word for the tone – him to drop the Henge he'd used to make it appear as if his blond hair was still the same spiky mess as before.

When Hanako's response to the lopsided, unnatural looking block of hair he had revealed was a delighted squeal, Naruto very seriously considered bolting. Hanabi must have known this, because she tightened her grip on his wrist until Naruto winced.

Within a short time, Naruto found himself seated in front of a horribly girly – to him – whitewood dresser, with three angled mirrors giving him three different reflection of his nervous, unfamiliar face. Hanabi and Hanako stood behind him, the younger draping a white sheet about him, the older holding up a razor-blade and scissors with every evidence of knowing how to use them. Naruto choked down a little whine.

And then Hanako attacked.

Over the quiet snip-snip of the scissors and then the subtler scritching of the razor at work, Hanabi explained exactly what had happened to cause Naruto's hairstyle malfunction: namely, the developing situation between a certain Hyuuga prodigy and his weapons-using teammate. Somehow Hanako managed to coo and comment and pay full rapt attention to the story while simultaneously giving Naruto an expert haircut, even now and then commenting on how novel it was to finally try styling hair that was _not_ dark, was a rare and exotic blond, and _ooh_ maybe she could make it look like Mizuno-san's in last week's issue of Shinobi Weekly but _no_, that tanned skin called for a more carefree look…

Naruto screwed his eyes shut and tried not to hyperventilate as the blades passed near the skin of his scalp.

Hanabi had just finished saying that Neji-niisan hadn't managed to take his eyes off his teammate _even_ when they were done fighting just as Hanako, with a last flourish of the razor, pronounced herself: "Done!"

Fearful, Naruto opened his eyes.

* * *

"You're LAA- huh?" Sakura trailed off as her blond teammate hove into view, his shoulders slumped and his hands shoved into his pockets. His customary orange jacket was missing (he had forgotten it in the bushes near Team Gai's training-ground) to reveal his black undervest, his normally cheerful face looked distracted and a little tense, and…his hair… 

"Kakashi-sensei's not here yet," he grumbled, "So it's not like I missed anything, right?" He reached the bridge and perched himself on the railings, tucking his bare arms behind his head. "Chill." Finally he looked more closely at Sakura, who had not made a sound.

"Hey, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura stared at him, trying to reconcile her new image of Naruto with the one she had known and carried all her life. Forced to really look at him, now that long-held memories no longer sufficed, she could see all the differences from the boy she had once known – not just his new hairstyle but the slightly gangly look of a boy in a growth spurt, limbs lengthening, shoulders broadening, his slightly rounded face – it had always reminded her of a puppy, actually - slowly angling into adulthood…

And what had he done to his hair?

She didn't realize how close she had gotten – or indeed, what she was doing at all - until Naruto's electric-blue eyes were peering confusedly into her own. "Sakura-chan?"

She was running her hand through his hair. _She was running her hand through his hair_.

Inner Sakura, in a rare showing, actually stammered. _Then_ she blamed Naruto. It was his fault, _his_. Damn him for having hair that begged to be rumpled, all light and tufty and bright and tousled like that! It was begging to be touched!

And _of course_, it was then, with Naruto staring in confusion and Sakura patting him on the head like he was a puppy, that Kakashi showed up.

"…am I interrupting?"

* * *

Hanabi was dancing impatiently by the time Naruto appeared at their predetermined rendezvous point (Hanabi insisted on using mission terminology whenever possible – she seemed to enjoy it, so Naruto just went along). When she caught sight of him – he was three hundred meters away – with her Byakugan eyes, she began to chant: "Come on! Come on! Let's go! Let's go!" 

Naruto quirked a little half-grin at her as he landed. "Impatient much, firesquirt?"

Hanabi stopped dead still. "What did you call me?"

"_Squirt!"_ Naruto sang gleefully, too many years of being called such names now having a chance to be rectified. "Firesquirt, more suitable than 'fireworks' _I_ think, you're too little to make a good display…" He waited, grinning, for the inevitable explosion.

To his surprise, Hanabi only glared, then swung on her heel and stalked away, nose high in the air. "Well, then I guess I don't have to share…"

Naruto gaped after her. Where was the blind attack, the flare of rage? How could he emulate the offhand, scornfully amused comebacks of his taller, older friends and teachers if she wouldn't play his part?

And share _what?_

The smell of Ichiraku ramen hit his nose. His stomach growled.

Hanabi heard it, and glanced over her shoulder with a cool, mocking look in her pale Hyuuga eyes that made her look very like her older cousin. "Hungry? You see, I liked the ramen this morning, so I went there for lunch. _Mmmmm_, tasty chicken ramen with the broth _just right_ and chunks of chicken breast…"

Naruto tried not to moan.

"And then, I brought some for a snack!" she said, holding up a plastic bag that had fragrant curls of steam gently wafting out. "But I guess you wouldn't want to eat with a _squirt…"_

Naruto flung himself at her feet, grovelling shamelessly.

* * *

Somehow, Hanabi didn't know how but he did it, Naruto continued devouring the bowl of miso ramen she had brought him as they traveled through the trees. He spilled not a drop of broth or a noodle even as they hurtled through the air at speed. They dropped out of the trees – Naruto still eating – when they were within range of Neji's Byakugan, and crept their way towards the grounds. 

They were just finishing up some sort of exercise, because the three Chuunin were sprawled on the grass, panting; even Neji. Gai himself, though standing and grinning and looking as, well, Gai as ever, was also breathing hard. He was flashing them a thumbs-up – returned by an adoring Rock Lee – and babbling something about how their strong and graceful youth had filled him with pride and joy and love…

Hanabi really wanted to show her father this. If _this_ couldn't coax a laugh out of him, then she didn't know what would.

It would also humiliate Neji to the deepest places of his heart, to be associated with such. Added bonus!

Naruto swallowed the last of his ramen and sighed with happiness, stomach pleasantly filled as he settled down to watch.

* * *

Three hundred laps around the training grounds, a series of retrieval exercises, and four point five "YOUTH!" speeches from Gai (Neji had managed to block out two and a half speeches – he was getting better at this) later, Neji and Tenten were getting ready to leave. Gai and Lee had already departed, in a flash of sunset scenery. With Lee gone, the squirrels had also left; the forest clearing was refreshingly silent. 

The day had turned out surprisingly well; Hiashi's strange behaviour (and Inuzuka Kiba) seemed very far away right now. And Neji was looking forward to another spar like the one he'd had this morning.

"Let's try sparring on top of the lake near the eastern border," he proposed casually, having pondered possible locations for the spar all day as a sort of mental treat – like trying to decide which flavour of ice cream to get. "Keeping enough chakra to water-walk while sparring should be excellent practice for control."

Tenten, who had been idly running her hands over a wooden bo staff, checking for splinters, looked up at him. "Oh, Neji…"

Neji tensed. Somehow, that didn't sound good.

"I'm sorry…"

Wait. Wait. WAIT. Tenten was…refusing? She…_wasn't_ going to spar with him? Could she do that?

"I can't, today, sorry," Tenten apologized again, her face genuinely regretful. Although their once daily training sessions had lessened as a result of Neji's familial duties, as well as the increased work-load of being Chuunin, they sparred together regularly enough that Neji never asked for permission; they just sort of knew each other's schedules, and Tenten could pick up on when he wanted to fight. But they hadn't been able to spar lately, and, well…

Neji's face was blank as paper.

Getting a little nervous, somehow, Tenten continued: "I'd like to, I really would. It's just that I can't…today…" She was repeating herself! She shook her head and began to explain more coherently. "You see, someone's waiting for me at home and…"

Neji, mind reeling at this hitherto unexpected twist to his world, could hardly pay attention to the rest of what she was saying. She _wasn't_ going to spar with him? She was doing…something else? With _someone_ else?

"It's alright," he said evenly.

Tenten heaved a sigh of relief. "Cool. Do you want to spar tomorrow afternoon, then?" she said, smiling brightly. When Neji merely nodded his head in agreement, she jumped up. "Great, it's settled then! See you tomorrow morning, Neji!" she called, already running for home.

Neji simply sat where he was, staring blankly into space.

* * *

"Oooh," Naruto whispered from where he lay on the forest-ground. "Harsh. Re-_jected."_

Hanabi was anxiously wringing her hands together, in a vaguely Hinata-like way (though more violent) as she watched. "Poor Neji-niisan!" she wailed softly. Having tried her utmost to annoy, humiliate and anger her older cousin all through her life, to actually see him in emotional distress upset her greatly. "Look at him! He's _shattered!"_

Naruto thought Neji looked as shattered as he had looked grinning and happy that morning, but he had to acknowledge that the older boy had been shot down. Granted, Naruto could think of worse ways – like the girl not looking regretful, or the girl pounding his face in, or the girl screaming that she would never, not in a thousand years, go with him – but still.

He turned to Hanabi, only to freeze as he spotted flames burning in the girl's pale eyes. Oh god. Not another one.

"It is up to us to fix this!"

"…why?"

"Otherwise, there's no point. How do we tease Neji-niisan if there's nothing to tease him about?"

"Hey, playing matchmaker was _not_ in the job description, we were just supposed to shadow him and pick up dirt…"

"Come on!" Hanabi wheedled. "If you help, I'll…I'll buy you more ramen!"

Naruto wavered, weak. But then he shook his head. Look at what had happened already! He'd lost his jacket, he'd nearly been decapitated, his hair had been shorn, he'd had to listen to girly gigglings and gossip for an hour, and, and…

Hanabi, seeing his wavering, upped the ante. As a future leader, she had already begun sitting in on council sessions with her father; and she had observed his dealings with testy Hyuuga elders. His technique: if one approach did not work, set off at a different angle, aiming always at a weakness. Having attacked his love for ramen, she now besieged his other love: pranking.

"Look! When it's all over, and we can tell them that they did what _we_ planned for them to do, isn't that an even more awesome prank than merely shadowing them?"

Naruto pondered this. The little firesquirt spoke truly: the ultimate prank was not merely humiliating your victims, but making them dance to your tune, and best of all, them not knowing it. His inner prankster cried out in glee.

Now, contrary to popular opinion, Naruto was _not_ stupid. He was not even unintelligent. He knew when he was being manipulated; but everything she said had been true. Besides – he smirked – he always the option of getting back at _her_ later. The time spent on _this_ prank could be…reconnaissance.

Plus, she'd promised free ramen.

"Fine! Let's go help Neji not be so pathetic!" Naruto declared. They shook hands solemnly.

Then they turned back to the clearing and realized Neji had gone.

**

* * *

AN **

_Hanabi_: her name means fireworks, literally fireflower, from the characters for 'flower' (_hana_) and 'fire' (_bi_). This name always amused me, and somehow suggested to me a personality like a firecracker.

Ack, this was a hard chapter to write. And I felt especially bad for Neji, since in most fics I've been reading he's been absolutely sweet. Meltworthy in fact. (**Wildcatt**, **Ninja Mittens,** I am talking to you. And your Neji(s). Squee!) But he's gots to take his lumps. I should go read a NejiSaku to make myself angry at him so I can write the next chapter.

**Neji: **(is filled with deep foreboding for the next chapter)

**Me: **And so you should be!

Tomorrow I will update this AN and explain Naruto's exact situation. It's hard to describe guys' short haircuts! (But I do think Naruto would look cute in one).

BTW, if there's anything in the story you particularly like, _do_ comment on it. I might turn it into an omake :D A comment on the 'magazine layouts' in chapter 3 is what spawned Jungle Neji, after all.

Later note: Damn! You don't appreciate the document uploading system in eff-eff dot net until it DOESN'T WORK FOR THREE DAYS.


	7. For That Is Hers

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, there would be less episodes dedicated to Sasuke flashbacking about his childhood. I do not, therefore we are forced to relive it time and time again.

* * *

**

_I do not cry, beloved, neither curse.  
Silence and strength, these two at least are good.  
He gave me sun and start and aught He could,  
But not a woman's love; for that is hers._

-GK Chesterton

* * *

Neji told himself that he wasn't curious about what – _who_ – was waiting for Tenten back at her house. Of course she had the right to go home when she wanted. Of course she could associate with people who weren't him. Of course there were things that could justify not training. 

Neji was civilized. Of course he knew all this – no matter how wrong these principles felt _inside his heart_.

He was only returning one of her kunai. She had left it in the clearing, out of sight in the shadow of a tree-bough beneath which it had stuck, but his Byakugan had spied it out. And it behooved him, as a responsible team-mate, to make sure that Tenten's armory was as complete as possible. Furthermore – he _was_ a Hyuuga, even if a branch-member Hyuuga – it was only good manners.

So what if Tenten had literally thousands, if not tens of thousands, of other kunai? She loved every last one of her weapons, yea even unto the smallest. Why, hadn't she nearly broken Lee's nose when he used a kunai to dig a hole in the ground, screaming _"Why don't you use your ----------(bleep)-----ing hands, why do this to the poor little darling_!"? Hadn't he heard her crooning a lullaby to her katana? Hadn't she subjected him to a two-hour-long dissertation on the immense usefulness and valiant history of blunt melee weapons when he had the temerity to say "_It's just a stupid stick_."?

So Neji assured himself, clutching the kunai tightly in his hand, as he made his way towards her house.

* * *

"WHERE IS HE!" 

"Well, not here, obviously. Hey, do that cool bursty-vein thingy with your eyes and check if he's still around."

"It's called the Byakugan," Hanabi said acidly, activating hers as she did so. She concentrated for a moment, scanning around her in 345-degree vision. She shook her head. "Well, he's not within a hundred meters of us."

Naruto tapped a finger against his chin. "Okay, if I were shot down by the girl of my dreams, where would I go?" This was not a theoretical exercise for him. His eyes brightened. "I'd go to the Ichiraku!"

"Neji-niisan does like his herring noodles," Hanabi said slowly. And of course she wasn't agreeing with Naruto's assessment because she wanted an excuse to go back there and have some more ramen. That would be silly.

"To the Ichiraku, then!"

* * *

Neji checked the address numbers of the houses around him, mentally comparing it against the few times he had gone over to Tenten's dwelling-place, which she had inherited from her deceased parents. Her parents had both been ANBU members, dying together on a mission when Tenten was nine years old. Their team had been unable to retrieve the bodies; Neji thought that still bothered Tenten, though she hardly ever referred to them. 

For non-clan shinobi, her parents had been very well-off. Tenten had been left with an armory full to bursting with every sort of weaponry under the sun – apparently she came by her love of all things made for causing mayhem honestly – and a large, sprawling two-storey house, built in the new western style with split-level construction and a fenced-in backyard large enough for simple sparring.

Which Neji now stood in front of, his knuckles white around the kunai-ring. Taking a deep breath – he didn't know why – he made his way slowly up the gravel path leading to the front door.

He realized he had been standing on her door-stoop for several distracted seconds. Shaking his head, he forced himself – wondering a little why he _needed_ to force himself – to knock on the door. His hand was just about to hit the wooden surface of the door when he froze.

He could hear Tenten laughing.

* * *

"So, Neji-niisan isn't here." 

"Nope."

"I guess we should…check other places out?"

"I guess…well, where should we go?"

"Let's discuss it over some ramen. Since we're here anyway, I mean."

The proprietor cried silent tears of joy as he prepared sixty-four bowls of ramen. The gods had answered his prayers and granted him a second money-fountain – er, customer like Naruto.

* * *

It was an once-in-a-lifetime sight, something that was as rare and strange as seeing Gai-sensei in a color aside from green, or Kakashi being punctual. It was also a lot more amusing. 

Because really, who wouldn't like to see _the_ Hyuuga Neji with his ear plastered against a door, looking like an eavesdropper in a sitcom?

Now, in a sitcom, this would be the point wherein a) the door opens suddenly, banging him in the face and probably bloodying his nose, and he would proceed to stagger comically about the area, groaning or b) the owner of the door would come up from behind him, asking in a flat tone, "What on earth are you doing, Neji?" (cue laugh-track)

But such easy fates were not for him.

He could hear her perfectly.

"Darling? I'm here!"

Darling? _Darling? _Who the_ hell _was_ darling?_

While Neji's mind did the mental equivalent of tying itself into a pretzel, frantically reviewing everything he knew about Tenten that might have explained this…this…_this, _Tenten laughed and his brain – already frazzled – momentarily shorted out.

He'd never heard Tenten laugh like that before.

"Oh…come on…" There was a high clear joy in her voice, and somehow he just _knew_ she was smiling. A happy, laughing, delighted smile, like the world was sunbright and golden and they had never had to do anything dark and bloody and _wrong_, like they weren't orphans, fatherless, sealed.

A smile like he had never seen.

"Gerroff, you great lunk…I mean it, get _off!"_ she said, her words only half-clear because of laughter. Neji wondered, with the part of his mind that wasn't wringing itself to shreds _or_ just drinking in the sound of her laughter – how did she sound so _happy?_ – why 'you great lunk' sounded just as affectionate as 'darling'. "You're…aaah!"

'Aaah'? '_Aaah!'?_ What was wrong? Had she slipped? Fallen? Twisted her ankle? Had this great darling lunk, whoever he was, hurt her? Neji tensed, about to barrel into Tenten's house for the rescue, when her next words froze him cold.

"Auugh, stop slobbering on my face!" This would have had him barreling in at twice the speed, if she hadn't sounded so happy when she said it. Happy. That someone was…slobbering…on her face. Neji's stomach began to join his mind in twisting itself into new exotic shapes.

"You…" a breathless laugh, "You always do this! I'm glad to see you too, of course, but do you have to…"

Neji left.

* * *

**AN**

Apparently, according to the databook, Neji's favorite food is herring noodles. Who knew? And I'm having way too much fun with Hanabi and Naruto. evil smirk

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially those who took the time to leave nice long yummy reviews. Mmm good! That's what fics feed on. :)One omake next up.


	8. We're All Mad

_'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.  
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'  
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.  
'You must be,' said the Cat, else you wouldn't have come here.'_

-Alice in Wonderland

* * *

Neji got three yards down the street before the 'I don't want to see hurtful things' part of him was knocked out, gagged, and sat on by his 'Jealous!Rage!Mine!' parts. He stopped dead, whirled on his heel, and ran straight back to Tenten's house. Every step he took seemed to send a spike of rage shooting up his spine straight into his brain. By the time he got to the door he was emitting so much angry chakra he looked like a walking nightlight.

Still, Neji was a prodigy – a genius – an intelligent, capable shinobi. His mind, though still writhing in pain from what he had just overheard, began to flash through possible explanations. He hadn't actually _heard_ anyone responding to Tenten. She mightn't have been talking to anyone human at all – maybe a dog, or a cat, or even one of those damn squirrels Lee was carting around everywhere. Maybe she was talking to _herself._

Then he kicked in the door and saw Tenten up against the wall, very involved and very _waaay_tooclose with a dark-haired boy.

* * *

Neji's first thought, strangely enough, was 'Well, it wasn't herself.'

Then the numbness faded slightly, and he quickly ran through every swear-word he had ever known, a little angry at how short the list was – he would be sure and ask Naruto for some good ones later, the blond boy was famous for his multi-lingual collection of profanity – and then ran through them again, for good measure.

After that it was just 'Kill kill kill KILLkillkillkillKILLkillkill'

What came out of his mouth was a confused and slightly pathetic, "Tenten?"

Tenten and the dark-haired boy jerked apart, Neji shuddering as he noticed the marks on his team-mate's skin. Only _he_ was allowed to mark her skin, dammit.

In training, he meant. _Training._

Neji clenched his fists, and took a step forward, ready to pummel Kiba into the ground for daring to touch Tenten, daring to kiss her, daring to have her legs wrapped around his waist.

Then Neji stopped dead, his chakra flickering out like a candle-flame as he realized it _wasn't _Kiba. Confused that the rage that had been simmering in him for days was misdirected, it took him a moment to actually realize who it was.

Then he jerked like a man shot, leaped backwards, and screamed, "YOU!"

He raised a trembling hand to point at Uchiha Sasuke.

* * *

Neji woke up.

'What a horrible horrible dream,' he thought, feeling bile rise in his throat. It wasn't _fair_, Tenten was the only girl he knew free of the stupidity affecting female minds whenever certain boys came into the vicinity – Yamanaka and Haruno compared unfavorably to her, and even Hinata-sama and her finger-tapping nervousness around Naruto – and now he had to imagine her reduced to the level of one of Uchiha's fangirls?

Then he realized he was standing in front of her door, and he could hear her cooing to someone inside.

"Oh you darling, you darling!" A high, delighted laugh, chiming like silver bells of DOOM to Neji's ears.

His mind still reeling from the dream – no, _nightmare – _his mind had just subjected him to, Neji considered his next course of action very plain and necessary.

He battered down her door, calling her name in something closer to panic than he had ever before let himself be.

"Tenten!"

"Neji?" Two startled brown eyes met two frantic white ones as Neji skidded around the corner and almost barreled into his teammate. A somewhat odd dance/step routine to keep their balance then ensued.

"Neji, be careful!" Tenten yelled at him as soon as she could spare the breath. "You almost made me drop the baby!"

"The…the _baby?"_ Neji repeated, actually taking a step back as though physically struck. "_The baby?"_

The blanket-wrapped bundle in Tenten's arms chose that moment to make a soft mewling noise, causing an adoring expression to appear on Tenten's face and utterly snatching away all her attention from Neji.

"Aww, is you hungwy? Does the widdle ickle chibi-chan wants his numnums?" Tenten cooed at the baby, the sound of his sweet little voice causing her to lose much of her language-skills. "I bet you is! I bet you is!"

She walked slowly to a rocking-chair set beside a window. Sitting down in it, she began unbuttoning her shirt – much to Neji's stupefaction. Trying hard not to watch her hands and what they were revealing, the totally-ignored shinobi crept beside his teammate and peered down at the baby in her arms.

Wide white eyes stared up at him from a round baby-face, which creased as the baby broke into a toothless grin. Neji had the very odd sensation of looking at himself rendered baby-fat and happy.

Then the baby reached up his chubby arms and warbled "Dada!" and Neji had the even odder sensation of fainting.

* * *

Neji found himself falling…falling…falling…

…to land in front of Tenten's door. By now seriously doubting his sanity, Neji simply pushed open the door and strolled into her house. If she was kissing Uchiha, he would just have to kill the other boy. If she was kissing Kiba, ditto. If she was holding the baby…well, honestly he didn't know what he'd do but the thought was strangely pleasant.

And if it were anything else…well, he'd deal with that.

And so his reaction to seeing Tenten patting a giant dragon on the head was surprisingly low-key.

"Oh, is that a summons or a demon?" he asked calmly.

Tenten giggled. "It's my daddy!"

"Ah," Neji nodded, before turning on his heel and walking deliberately into the wall.

* * *

When the white spots cleared from Neji's vision, he found himself in the same position as all the other – dreams? Hallucinations? Glimpses of alternate yet parallel universes? – had started from: in front of Tenten's door.

Only this time the door was set into a house that was in the middle of the Uchiha compound.

As Neji stared, the door was yanked open, and he found himself facing a belligerent-looking Uchiha Sasuke. "Are you here to see aneki?" the younger boy demanded, eyeing him as if he was measuring where the Chidori would do the most damage. Without waiting for an answer, Sasuke turned and bellowed into the house: "Ten-chan! Your teammate's here!"

"Way to be polite, Sasuke!" a familiar voice called back, and Neji heard the sound of feet rapidly pounding on the floor before Tenten raced into view. "Next time, you let him in, then you _go_ and _call me_ like a normal human being!"

"Che, what's the point," Sasuke shrugged, "It's more efficient this way." He held up a neatly-wrapped bento for Tenten to grab as she hurtled through the front door, calling after her: "It's your turn to do the dishes later, aneki!"

"I know!" Tenten yelled back, then tugged on Neji's hand. "Come on Neji, before Gai-sensei makes us do five million laps around the village."

Neji followed wordlessly, his pale eyes fixed on the Uchiha clan symbol proudly blazoned on the back of Tenten's dark-blue top.

* * *

And so it whirled and whirled, wyverns and witches, pumpkins and policemen, giraffes and guerillas making a strange cavalcade of worlds which Neji numbly spun through.

And then he woke up.

* * *

_This is an omake this is an omake this is an omake this is an omake this is an omake this is an omake.

* * *

_

**AN**

So…because I've had a rather terrible time trying to write CM, I decided to just use bits and pieces of other fics in vague production for this short omake. Basically I wanted to see the reaction to the first, SasuTen part if I pretended it was the real chapter, but it spun outta control.

Neji: SasuTen! All you've _been_ writing is SasuTen lately! glares at laptop, visibly measuring it for a 64 Strikes attack

Me: Not true. I've…I've written other stuff.

Neji: Sure. You wrote that fic where I…I… garbles incoherently in rage And you wrote a lime SasuTen omake! Where's _mine_! WHERE'S MY ACTION!

_O Nejiten muse who's abandoned me, please to be granting me a second chance of life._


End file.
